If you didn't know, every Wednesday is our BM Ladies' Night - and this week, we delved deep into the topic of Divorce. Personal experiences were shared and tears were shed.
Featuring our guest speaker - Ustazah Bushra, we hope this topic will be beneficial to all our sisters, especially those who know of anyone who's going through this situation.
Here's what we managed to cover :
Although it might not seem like it, divorcees do need support from the people who care about them. People react to situations in different ways. However, sometimes the best place for someone to be is away from an unhealthy relationship. Divorcees should be able to live with dignity and honor their partner's memory by moving on to better things.
"I'm a divorcee and I'm going to be okay. I won't be ashamed of my status. It was a God-given right to me to get out of a toxic marriage and I'm going to raise my children in the best manner possible."
"I was being divorced when I just gave birth to my second, when he was only 10 days old. He said he didn't have feelings for me anymore and everything went spiralling down from there. While I was trying to hold the fort together and work things out, he was persistent in the divorce."
Have you ever faced any situations where the society judged you?
Not for myself but judgements towards my kids.
Comments like "Maybe the kids are naughty because the parents are divorced." " Is your daughter ok? Did you went for check up? Did her teacher mention anything?"
As a mother, it was only right for me to be protective of my children and I know, my kids are okay.
Women are seen as having to tolerate everything. At one point we are supposed to pray for the best and have patience. But how long do we have to be patient and stay patient?
Ustazah Bushra :
Everyone's patience limit is different, so it's not fair if someone tells you that you are not patient enough. Divorce is an expensive decision, costing you your home, your children.
Someone once told me ; "you mentioned you liked the dua of Asiyah. Yet you are not patient like her. You should have been more patient."
I gave it a year. Chances after chances and even communication but it all failed.
The divorce didn't hurt me so much but it did hurt me with the children.
Before the divorce happened, I saw Amalia withdrawing herself every time I started to fight with her father. It took us so long for her to come out and started talking to people. So I told my husband, I cannot do this anymore, I didn't want my daughter to suffer.
My ex-husband agreed to the divorce, but he told me he wanted the custody for the kids. I had to agree, because I had no support and this is the only way for me to make sure that my kids are okay.
The hardest decision was to separate from my kids, not because I was going to be divorced because I know there was no possibility of reconciliation.
Ustazah Bushra :
The days leading up to the divorce was a dark tunnel for me. Everyday was bleak and I was constantly bargaining with Allah SWT. "Ya Allah, I know I'm not worthy. I know I'm not good enough, but Ya Allah, please make this work."
I had such a good relationship with my father so I didn't want my son to grow up without a father.
Questions like "Who is bringing him to masjid?" "Who is going to teach him to be an Imam?" came into my mind so I told my ex-husband "the marriage is not working out, so let's just live like housemates."
How did you reach where you are today after the divorce?
I know Allah loves me. Even though my close family were not supporting me, I had other relatives who Allah sent to me, to take care of me so that I don't stray too far.
How did Allah showed you that divorce was the right thing to do?
Allah showed me in so many ways. And what pushed me even more was when this particular incident happen. We were looking for a wedding ring for my brother in law and a lady was asking me "You have such a strong marriage. How do you do it?"
In my heart, only Allah knows. Only Allah knows how broken I was. I wish that what she was talking about, it was my marriage.
So I replied, "be thankful."
To anyone who's going through a difficult phase in your life, know that you are not alone. Talk to someone you trust or seek for help.
Whether you are the one asking for divorce, or you were being divorced, it will affect you either ways. It is however, possible to get through this difficult period, as long as you keep your faith that things will be okay. Divorce is life-changing, but it doesn't have to be tragic. It may require a great adjustment on your part, but if you remain positive and focused, you can come out the other end of your marriage even better than when you entered it.
Watch the full video here.